Announcing The Smart Choices Success Circle

Calling all smart savvy women who are BEYOND sick-and-tired of struggling with food, weight, and their eating:  I've designed the program you've been asking for–a Mastermind Community for smart capable women who want to make peace with food, get off the diet roller coaster, and start living the life they hunger for.

Accountability, motivation, help and active support–it's all here.

The Smart Choices program is designed to be effective, accessible, and easy to use.

This innovative program provides the tools, support, and targeted coaching busy women need to get on track, stay on track, take charge of day-to-day overwhelm, and create lives that support the new choices they are making.

This is NOT a diet program.  I know that you probably know more than you ever wanted to about what you think you "should" be doing to get where you want to go.  This is a program designed to help you take those tools and make them work for you. The Smart Choices Success Circle is designed to provide the tools that traditional weight loss programs don't discuss.  The focus of the Smart Choices Success Circle is  accountability, motivation (that lasts), solid support, and enduring change.

In the Smart Choices Success Circle, we take on the reasons those other plans haven't worked.

Fun (really!) and easy to use, the Smart Choices Success Circle provides wrap-around resources including a motivating goal-setting process, online message board and community forum, weekly audio tips and coaching challenges (emailed directly to you), a weekly accountability tool, and productive Smart Choices Coaching Club phone calls where laser coaching, brainstorming, strategizing and celebrating keeps members in action and out of stuck spots.

Too many women feel alone with their struggles with food and weight.

The Smart Choices Success Circle provides the opportunity to share in the collective wisdom and support of other like-minded women who are striving to make peace with food and end their struggles with weight, eating, and overwhelm in a lasting way.

You can learn more about the program here.
Take good care,

Melissa

PS: I'd love to have you check out this great new program.  Join us this month and use the code NEWSLETTER to receive your first month's membership for only $12.99!

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Clutter–physical and mental excess–adds to stress and overwhelm. If you are an emotional eater, you probably know that attention to  non-food triggers can have a powerful impact on your overeating.  Besides, taking charge of clutter just feels good.

An exercise that my clients appreciate is to focus for several days on identifying the things in your environment, or inside your head, that are not ideal, aren't how you want them to be, but have been that way for so long that you've just developed the art of "not noticing" them.  Spend a few days noticing those things.  It might be physical clutter or it might be a relationship that is not working for you. It might be something you've gotten accustomed to being broken or an attitude you've developed that just isn't working for you.  The challenge is to pick at least one of those things and do something about it–really clean it up.  It will probably take less time than you think.

Take good care,

Melissa

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You have a lot on your plate and a lot of things that are important to you. You've decided that you want to make health or lifestyle changes and spend more of your valuable energy on yourself. You want to feel better and be more of the person you know you can be.

The question is, "How do you actually make it happen?"

How do you keep your goals on your radar? How do you remember to say no to other requests that interfere? How do you stay strong in your resolve and how do you keep moving forward when you aren't sure how to do it or if you even want to?

In the years that I have worked with strong, capable, determined women, I have observed a crucial mistake that can make the going much tougher, and the related component that will boost the success rate of just about any attempt at lifestyle change.

The crucial mistake that I see frequently is the tendency to underestimate the benefit of a dynamic support structure when working to create new habits with food, with exercise, or with managing a busy and stressful life.

Many successful women have found success by learning that they can rely on themselves.  They know they are tough and many feel like if they want it done "right" they want to do it themselves. While some struggle to delegate in their professional lives, they know that success in business comes from creating and leveraging a team that can support you, expand your capabilities, and help you get where you need to go.

The place I see many smart successful women struggle, is in allowing themselves to have that same type of quality support when working to build something important in their personal lives.

The truth is, engaging a strong, active support system is one of the most effective strategies for creating changes that last. I'm not just talking about having a group of people who care about you.  I'm suggesting that you evaluate your current support system in terms of its ability to actively help you get where you want to go.

Here are some questions to consider:

1.    Who's in your corner? Who can you rely on to stand with you and support you in your current goals?  Who are the people who want you to achieve whatever it is that YOU want to achieve?
2.    Who holds you accountable? I'm not talking about the "diet police" here.  Who is willing to hold you to your goals and your objectives in a kind and helpful way?  Who helps you make sure that you follow through and asks you about it (again, in a way that feels helpful), when you haven't?
3.    Who contributes to your motivation? Who can you rely on to remind you why you are doing the hard work involved in making changes?  Who can you count on to hold up that picture of your final destination and encourage you to keep going?  Who reminds you how far you've come and all the ways your efforts will or are paying off?
4.    Who do you celebrate with when you achieve victories along the way? Acknowledging the milestones on the way to the finish line are incredibly important in maintaining motivation and feeling good about the work you are doing.  Who encourages you to celebrate when you decide you are "too busy?"
5.    Who believes in you? Who are the people in your support system who know you are capable of achieving what you have set out to achieve?  These are the ones who can tell you WHY you are able to be successful.  They know your strengths and help you see how you can leverage them to move forward more easily. They remind you that you can do this during the times when you might not believe that you can.
6.    Who is your example? Are you the leader of the pack-the one who motivates everyone else-or do you have someone in your support system who is one or two steps ahead of you?  Are you reinventing the wheel or learning from the wisdom of others who have succeeded before you?  We tend to see more possibilities and grow more when we are surrounded by others who encourage us to stretch our ideas of what we believe we can do.
7.    Who is your sounding board? Who do you talk things through with?  Who do you go to to brainstorm strategies, tweak plans that aren't working for you, get advice or just blow off steam after a tough day?
8.    Who tells you the hard truth? Who do you trust who will tell you (in a supportive and helpful way) when you are missing the boat or getting in your own way?  Sometimes strong women send out the vibe that they are "fine," they "have it under control," and they don't need help.  The truth is, we all need help sometimes.  Who are the people who will call you on it when you are trying to be the Lone Ranger and it isn't working for you?

Use these questions to identify any holes you need to fill in your support network.  Doing so will absolutely pay off.

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When we feel off track or out of control or out of our routine, it’s easy to fall into overwhelm. When things are not going smoothly, it often feels like a very big deal to start getting back on track. Sometimes it seems like such a big deal that we have a hard time getting back into action.

It really doesn’t have to be that way.

The truth is, it’s not big dramatic actions that indicate whether we are on or off track—whether we are moving in the direction we want to be. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it’s our attention to the little things that indicates how we are doing.

By little things, I’m referring to those small consistent actions that help us thrive; things like packing a lunch, taking vitamins, spending ten minutes a day writing in a journal. Little deliberate acts like pausing before you head off to the vending machine to ask yourself whether you are really hungry or whether you are stressed. Taking five minutes in the morning to think about where you will fit in a walk or some play time.

In my Emotional Eating Toolbox program, I ask clients to think about their “non-negotiables” the must-do things that keep their life running smoothly. Usually these are small consistent things—they are different for everyone—that fuel you, allow you to function at your best, and that make YOU feel like you.

I recommend you take some time today to make a list of the little things that help you be your best. These little things might involve planning around food or exercise, or they may be things that bring you peace like having a clean kitchen or ironing your clothes, or taking time each day to do some mindless reading. Are you downplaying these small actions? Is there anything you would benefit from paying more attention to or anything that has slipped off your radar?

Make the adjustments. It won’t take very long at all, but tracking those small essentials is actually what usually makes the difference.

Take very good care,

Melissa

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Last week's teleseminar, Why Smart Successful Women Struggle With Food, Weight, and Emotional Eating and How to Take Control was a huge hit.  The topic clearly hit a nerve.  I had more sign ups and more questions submitted for this teleseminar than any previous class I've held.

I covered a lot of important information on the call about why overeating and emotional eating can be a particularly tricky issue for competent, busy women juggling multiple responsibilities.  If you missed the call, you can still access the recording here.

Take good care,

Melissa

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A question I am asked all the time is, "How can I possibly take better care of myself when there is so much else I have to do?"  My busy clients tell me all the time that they have too much going on to exercise or eat right or to take time to relax or pursue their passion.

They are operating from the belief that they will be unable to take better care of themselves until their life calms down or stops requiring so much from them. They ARE busy, but that isn't what's stopping them. What's stopping them is their mindset. The truth is, it's not exactly the busyness that has them stuck, it's where their self-care falls on their priority list.

Self-care is not something that is only available to the unoccupied.  In fact, the busier and more demanding our lives, the more self-care pays for itself. The best and the brightest–the ones who REALLY flourish–do so, in part, because they understand the value of quality self-care. Self-care is essential to keeping us fueled, energized and ready to perform at optimal levels.  Self-care helps us to be at our best and to be available to the others who need us.

If you are someone who struggles to take good care of yourself, I'd suggest you start by asking some basic questions. Spend some time identifying what it is that you ARE prioritizing.  Where does your energy go and where exactly do you fall on your priority list?  Actions reveal volumes more than our intentions do.  As you answer these questions, pay attention to where you actually spend your time. Who and what is getting the benefit of your limited energy?

Picture the demands and responsibilities in your life on a pie chart, a giant pie where you divide your energy into a wedge shaped piece for each priority.  You might want to actually draw this out and estimate the size of each piece.  How much energy goes into each priority?  You might have a piece for work, for parenting, for your partner, for each of the things that are important in your life.  Now I challenge you to be very honest and think about how big a piece there is for YOU.  How much pie do you get?  Are you feeding yourself at all? (By the way, it's not a coincidence if you aren't on your pie chart and you are someone who struggles with weight and overeating.  Many struggles with food are the result of not feeding ourselves the things and experiences we really need and using food as a poor substitute.)

If you don't see yourself adequately represented on your pie chart or your priority list, changing this pattern must be the number one priority if you are going to make any successful changes in how you care for yourself.

The truth is, until you find a way to prioritize yourself, you won't get where you want to go. Many women don't like to hear this.  Some even have a strong belief that making this shift is impossible–that the other needs in their lives are too demanding or too much.  Many feel selfish when they think about making such a shift.  The idea of taking up more time and space makes some people very uncomfortable.  If this applies to you, don't panic.  Sometimes drastic changes are called for, but in many cases, you'd be amazed at the smaller shifts you can make to begin to see a difference. If even that seems impossible, it's a strong indication that this is a place where you'll want to ask for help.

Prioritizing self-care (and really sticking to it) can be difficult at first.  When we are busy, sometimes it feels like we are so occupied putting out fires that there is no time to stop–let alone figure out how to do something differently. Pay yourself first.  That's the secret.  Plan ahead and schedule the things that you need and crave, just like you probably plan for and work around the things that you are prioritizing now. Start by sitting down at the beginning of each week, thinking about what you need–time to menu plan, exercise, quiet time, a phone call with a friend–and schedule it.  Write it in your calendar like you would an important work event. Begin with something small. Plan it and follow through.

Making this shift (even with one small action) can have a major impact.  You'll be amazed how it reverberates through your life. Learning how to put yourself on the map is an essential step in creating the life you want to be living.  If you aren't doing it already, it's the most empowering next step you can take.

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One of the most important things we can do to take care of ourselves (and one of the biggest challenges for busy women) is to get enough quality sleep. This Wednesday, May 20, at 1pm Eastern and 10:00am Pacific, I’m thrilled to be able to interview a talented sleep expert, Marcia Lindsey, PhD.  The call will be free and if sleep is an issue for you, you won’t want to miss it.

Here are some of the topics we’re going to cover:

•    Marcia’s top tips for getting to sleep
•    The powerful link between eating and sleep
•    Why sleeping more can help you lose weight
•    Foods that will help you sleep better
•    The link between sleep and weight re-gain

I hope you’ll join us.  Don’t worry if you can’t attend.  We will be recording the call, and everyone who registers will be emailed a link so that they can listen to the recording.

To register for the teleseminar just go here.

Hope to hear you on the call!

Take good care,

Melissa

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As we all know, Oprah Winfrey isn't the only smart successful woman who struggles with food, weight, and emotional eating.  I work with many clients who have accomplished tremendous things but who see food as the one place in their lives where they can't seem to take control. Frustration, self-blame and self-consciousness can make the problem even worse and lead to more stress or comfort eating, another binge, or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

What's a smart savvy woman to do?

Here are some areas to pay attention to if you'd like to get back in the driver's seat with food and weight.

1.    Are you paying yourself first?
Where do you fall on your priority list?  Many of the successful, hard-working women I know and work with juggle multiple projects and priorities.  Sometimes they make the mistake of believing it would be easier just to put themselves to the side–have one less thing to juggle. Do you even show up on your priority list or have you fallen into a pattern of attending to your own needs last–if there's time?  If the latter sounds like your pattern, then you probably know that the to-do list can be never-ending and if you come last, it's too tempting to resort to food as an easy, "quick fix" for comfort, stress-relief, or even a reward for that day of hard work.

Learning to prioritize and budget for your own needs, wants and dreams (and learning to identify them in the first place) is more important for ending battles with emotional eating than any nutritional advice.

2.    Are you holding yourself to impossible standards?
Do you have an inner perfectionist, dooming you to failure before you even start?  High-achieving women can be incredibly hard on themselves. The truth is, nothing will derail an emotional eater faster than unrealistic, impossible expectations.  Learn to do your best–and to keep doing your best even when it doesn't work out. That will pay off far bigger than shooting for perfect.

3.    Are you a hard worker?
Hard working women often fall into the trap of believing that the way to resolve their problems with food is to "get tough with themselves and just work harder."  The problem is, pushing yourself harder, in a direction that wasn't working in the first place, just creates a more painful struggle.

Many times, the way out of food and weight battles is to stop pushing, fighting, and "working hard" long enough to examine the situation, listen to yourself, and start to take stock of what you REALLY need.  Compassion and curiosity will help you identify your triggers for turning to food and overeating in a way that "getting hard on yourself" NEVER will. Remember.  If things didn't work out, odds are the plan failed you.  You didn't fail your plan.

4.    Are you too focused on "flying solo?"
Have you convinced yourself that emotional eating is a problem that you "should" have solved on your own by now? Do you struggle in silence and isolation?  Although smart women know the value of seeking help and connecting with expertise, a common emotional eating trap is the belief that struggles with food and weight are easy for everyone else and that it is a sign of personal failure to be struggling. I cannot adequately describe the power and effectiveness that come from applying the appropriate support, mentoring and guidance to this problem area.

The truth is that emotional eating is an issue that many successful, savvy women struggle with and the nature of a busy woman's life can make emotional eating even more of a temptation.  Making peace with food and finding solutions that work for you are absolutely possible–but making those changes and making them last requires a thoughtful, and yes, a smart approach.

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I hear this so frequently from women.  They’ve convinced themselves that they overeat and struggle with weight because they aren’t working hard enough.  The truth is, the women I work with are smart, INCREDIBLY hard workers.  They’ve succeeded in many areas of their life—many have built or are building successful businesses, some are doing big things in other areas of their lives, and their struggles with food and weight and emotional eating often seem like that last frustrating frontier–emotional overeating is often that ONE place where they don’t feel successful or in control.

Quite often, what emotional eaters need is NOT to work harder, but to address the problem differently.

I’m offering a free teleclass on Wednesday, May 27 at noon Pacific, 3pm Eastern to talk about why emotional eating can be such a trap for smart savvy women and how to take control. I'll cover:

* Why emotional eating is such a common and difficult struggle for successful women
* The common mistakes women make in trying to take control
* The tools and tips that really work

I hope you’ll join me and submit your own questions on this topic.  You can register (and submit questions) for the call here.  Don’t worry if you can’t make the date and time.  All registrants will receive a recording of the call.

Take good care,

Melissa

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Pavel Somov, PhD has a powerful idea about emotional eating:  “You have two options in regard to emotional eating: you can try to eliminate it altogether or you can try to make better use of it by making emotional eating more conscious.”

Somov, a psychologist and the author of Eating the Moment: 141 Mindful Practices to Overcome Overeating One Meal at a Time, recently blogged about his approach, which he calls Mindful Emotional Eating, for the Huffington Post.  Mindful emotional eating, which may at first seem counter-intuitive, overlaps with many of the concepts and ideas that I blog about at Peace With Cake. I find Somov's ideas and his three principles of mindful emotional eating intriguing and potentially very helpful.  Somov also suggests that emotional eating doesn’t have to be a negative act and that if it is something that we engage in consciously and deliberately–if we are in control of the choice and the act–it can actually be something that meets our needs. I'm looking forward to reading his book and will share my thoughts about it here.

In the meantime, check out his post and then leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

Take good care,

Melissa

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